After my divorce, I told my counselor that I’m the kind of person who needs to be in a relationship. “You know,” he said. “There’s a difference between wanting and needing a relationship.” Huh? I’d heard others make that statement before and I didn’t get it. Want –...
We all get upset from time to time. What do we do when this happens? If we expect someone else to make us feel better, then we’re using the wrong strategy. Self-soothing is a far better tactic because we get more reliable results, and, we don’t damage our...
To outsiders, it seemed Mario grew up in a perfectly normal, happy family. Sadly, the reality was much darker. His mother, an alcoholic, emotionally and sometimes physically abused him. Mario swore he would break the intergenerational cycle of abuse and never cause...
Those of us working to stop violent or abusive behavior often find changing our actions can be stubbornly difficult. It’s not until we focus on the link beween identity and behavior that we’re able to make much headway. It turns out that identity—how we see...
The first time Kevin came to our group, he wasn’t completely convinced he needed to be there. He knew that using violence toward his partner was wrong, but he also didn’t think he should have to take everyone’s crap. As he dug deeper, Kevin discovered that his “tough”...
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