Desire Change

Maybe you got to this website because you had questions about things happening in your relationship. Perhaps you have some doubts about trying to justify your actions. Or maybe someone shared this link with you. Good for you for taking the first step by checking it out. It shows you are looking for answers and open to finding a better way of life.

Here’s good news: better exists. It involves change, and that change is not quick or easy. Your motivation will be essential for that change to happen. While we can’t make the changes for you, we are here to help by sharing ideas and resources we think will make your journey easier.

What is abuse?

One of the big questions that many people who visit this site want to answer is, “Is it Abuse?” To get a clearer picture of whether you’ve crossed the line, click on the Definitions button below.

Domestic violence laws

If you’ve been arrested or threatened with arrest for your actions, and you have questions about the legal implications, check out our page about Domestic Violence Laws. If you’re not yet in legal trouble, we want you to know the consequences are serious. Be sure you are familiar with the laws.

Who’s really hurt?

If you grew up in an environment where a push, a slap, or a punch were a normal part of how people dealt with conflict, then you might be wondering, “Who’s really hurt by my actions? I survived some physical scuffling. What’s the big deal?”

We know how labeling what seems to be a small squabble as domestic violence can be hard for a person to understand. This is especially true for those of us who saw one or both of our parents push, slap, or hit each other, or where physical fights were common with our siblings or in the neighborhood. The reality is, they can and do hurt others – either physically or emotionally.

None of us wants to hurt the people we love. To get a better understanding of how physical altercations and emotional abuse hurt your partner, read the “Who’s Hurt” page. While we are mostly going to explore the impact you may be having on your partner, you may be surprised to find out one of the people who’s hurt is you!

A hopeful future

Motivation for change can come from two things. The first is avoiding pain—the pain that comes from losing a relationship with someone you love, from the consequences of being arrested for domestic violence, or even from the guilt we feel when we’ve done something we know is wrong. The other form of motivation comes from seeking the promise of something better.

If you can identify with what’s described in these pages – whether you’ve caused harm, found yourself in legal trouble, or just know deep down that someone you love is hurting because of your actions – we have an important message: we want something better for you.

The good news is that a better life is possible. Read about that vision for your life on our Something Better page.


Are you highly motivated to do whatever it takes to make that change happen? Great if you are! Looks like you are ready for Step 2. You can do it. Remember, we are here to guide and encourage you in the process.

Read more about Step 1 – Desire Change here.