How to Stop Getting Defensive

How to Stop Getting Defensive

It happens to us all. We receive feedback and it stings. Or someone is angry at us and we want them to stop expressing it. Maybe, we feel guilty about something we’ve done, but we don’t want to be reminded of it. What do we do? Too often, we get defensive. What is...
How Change Happens

How Change Happens

There you are, at the starting line. You’ve realized, maybe because of some very painful experiences, that you need to change. It’s humbling to admit it, but you now see that you have acted in ways that are considered to be domestic violence or abuse. The cost...
Accepting Mistakes Reduces Their Power

Accepting Mistakes Reduces Their Power

Dave gets upset when his partner points out his past mistakes. Recently, he began thinking about those errors differently—he started accepting mistakes as part of being human. This shift in mindset, Dave says, has taken away much of the sting when someone reminds him...
You Made Me Feel ___

You Made Me Feel ___

Years ago during a marriage counseling session, I confronted my wife about a particular situation. “You made me feel …” I began saying. The counselor cut me off before I could finish my statement. “No one can make you feel anything,” he said. “What kind of dumb...
The Controversy and Truth About Mutual Abuse

The Controversy and Truth About Mutual Abuse

Robert asked the question on the first night of our group: Is there such a thing as mutual abuse? He acknowledged that he’d acted badly—even abusively—at times in his marriage. In reviewing the definitions of abuse, however, he believed he’d also been the recipient of...