by Michael | Nov 7, 2018 | Step 4 - Challenging Thoughts, The God Factor
Shortly after I met my wife Lynn, I planned an awesome date for us: take her sailing on a local lake. She didn’t know I knew how to sail, nor did I own a boat, so renting a catamaran and enjoying the sun, breeze, and water that afternoon would be a delightful surprise...
by Michael | Oct 17, 2018 | New Skills, Step 4 - Challenging Thoughts, The God Factor
My (now ex-) wife and I could get tangled up in a conflict pretty easily. Honestly, she was much better at arguing than I am. She knew just what to say that hurt, the half-truths that were hard to defend, and could twist my words to make me look bad. I could never...
by Michael | Oct 7, 2018 | Ananias Guidebook, Step 1 - Desire Change, Step 3 - Identify Root Causes, Step 4 - Challenging Thoughts
Last week, we got an email from Nathan, although it could have been from almost anyone because many people find themselves in a similar situation. See if you relate to his confusion on what is emotional abuse and what he is doing that fits that description. I can feel...
by Michael | Sep 27, 2018 | New Life, Step 1 - Desire Change, The God Factor
The old comic strip and cartoon character Popeye famously said, “I (y)am what I (y)am and (d)at’s all what I (y)am!” I’m not sure about you, but I sometimes want to say the same thing, and even use the same gravely voice as Popeye. My resistance to change happens...
by Michael | Sep 17, 2018 | New Skills, Resources, Step 2 - Prevent Rage, Uncategorized
For many of us who have been violent with our partners, that violence came after something set us off. Certain words or situations generate extremely strong reactions that are way bigger than what is needed. Then, if you’re like me, regret sets in and you’re left...
by Michael | Sep 7, 2018 | Step 4 - Challenging Thoughts, The God Factor
What’s the difference between bad and awful? The two words seem pretty similar, don’t they? As it turns out, the distinction between thinking something is bad verses awful has a huge effect on how we react. Let me explain. Thoughts, emotions, actions I frequently...
by Michael | Aug 27, 2018 | Measuring Progress, New Life
I ended seven years of being single last week when I married a beautiful, loving, and wonderful woman who is my perfect partner. I’m sharing my journey here hoping it’s useful to those like me who have hurt their partners in the past with abuse or violence. This post...
by Michael | Aug 17, 2018 | Step 2 - Prevent Rage
When I was trying to control my reactions that led to domestic violence, I found that anger management techniques were really helpful. Still, I discovered some “conventional wisdom” that turned out to be anger management myths. Knowing what notions to accept and which...
by Michael | Aug 7, 2018 | New Skills, Step 2 - Prevent Rage
Would you pour gasoline onto a dangerous fire that you are trying to control? Of course not, but that’s a good metaphor for how our bodies betray us with adrenaline when we’re angry. If you, like me, have been violent with your partner but want to stop, then...
by Michael | Jul 28, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General, Measuring Progress, Step 1 - Desire Change, The God Factor
I’ve read countless articles and social media posts calling for domestic violence offenders’ accountability. As someone who committed that offense, those calls used to feel like a vigilante was headed my way. What I’ve learned through my change process, however,...
by Michael | Jul 17, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General, Step 1 - Desire Change, The God Factor
Many advocates see religion as part of the domestic violence problem because they know someone who has used Bible verses to defend abusive actions. When a man uses scripture to justify holding a dominant, authoritarian position over a woman it is called spiritual...
by Michael | Jul 7, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General, Measuring Progress, New Skills
An apology is something that we all like to receive but most of us find difficult to give. And, giving an apology well will help restore a relationship, while other ways can sound empty and insincere. Maybe that’s why it seems like a good, effective apology is so...
by Michael | Jun 16, 2018 | Step 3 - Identify Root Causes, Step 4 - Challenging Thoughts, The God Factor
Will you call, send a card, give a gift, or hang out with your dad this Father’s Day? Or is Father’s Day not a day of celebration because your relationship with him is strained or non-existent? Father’s Day for many of us reminds us of the broken relationship we have...
by Michael | May 30, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General, Step 1 - Desire Change, The God Factor
Brian visited our website because his partner accused him of “economic abuse” in their relationship. He committed himself to learning about economic abuse or anything he needs to change to heal his relationship with her. Understanding how we might harm our loved ones,...
by Michael | May 17, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General
Many media depictions, domestic violence advocates, and websites will lead you to believe that domestic abuse is something that men do to women. Domestic violence statistics show, however, that domestic abuse is not just a man problem. This fact has huge implications...
by Michael | May 2, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General, Step 3 - Identify Root Causes, The God Factor
Most websites on domestic violence say that power and control is at the center of the abuse—just look for the ever-present power and control wheel. Many of these organizations claim that the abuser’s controlling behavior is an intentional act to maintain a position of...
by Michael | Apr 17, 2018 | Ananias Guidebook, New Life, The God Factor
I mentioned in a prior post that one of the most important values for men is respect. While it might not rank in the top spot, I’m quite sure it’s pretty highly valued by women, too. In fact, respect is such a big deal to most of us that I’m going to dive deeper into...
by Michael | Apr 10, 2018 | Measuring Progress, Step 1 - Desire Change, Step 3 - Identify Root Causes, The God Factor
Shortly after I was married, I reacted to lots of situations in ways that could be considered emotional and physical abuse. I’d become upset about little annoyances, things that didn’t go as I wanted them to, and especially any conflicts that I had with my wife. I’d...
by Michael | Apr 1, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General
Public outrage over intimate partner violence is no surprise. We don’t like to see innocent people hurt. We defend victims. We want justice. However, our collective response to domestic abuse is actually part of the problem. There are far better ways to end domestic...
by Michael | Mar 23, 2018 | Domestic Violence - General, The God Factor
I saw a video that went viral last week of minor league baseball player Danry Vasquez battering his girlfriend in a stairwell of a baseball stadium. The video showed him striking her at least a half-dozen times as they made their way down the stairs. It was painful to...
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