First Steps
Getting started on your journey
How Change Happens
Unpacking what’s happening beneath the surface of our mind is how change happens. Cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT allows us this inside look. This process requires time, effort, and a fair amount of self-awareness, however.
Ten Reasons Why Domestic Violence Offenders Don’t Change – and How to Make Sure You’re Not One of Them
There are a number of reasons why domestic violence offenders don’t change. Still, all these pitfalls are avoidable once we’re aware of them.
What happens (to you) when people are afraid of you
Note: This post was written by Andrea Lee and originally appeared on her site here. We are sharing it with her permission. –Michael Today I want to share a specific example of what it’s like when your behaviour creates fear in another person - unintentionally or on...
Before and After: Why bother making the effort to change
Note: This post was written by Andrea Lee and originally appeared on her site here. We are sharing it with her permission. –Michael When it comes to being abusive, and the harm we cause to others, it might seem uncomfortably self-serving (not to mention...
What is emotional abuse, really?
Note: This post was written by Andrea Lee and originally appeared on her site here. We are sharing it with her permission. --Michael It's simpler than you think, and yes you may be doing it (a little or a lot) Sometimes when I chat with people about emotional...
Is What I’m Doing Abusive?
“Is what I’m doing abusive?” is the wrong question to ask, because it’s easy to minimize our acts or justify bad behavior. Instead, ask a different question.
Feeling Like a Victim Keeps Us Stuck
If you’ve been attacked, injured, cheated, or harmed by someone or something else, then you are, by definition, a victim. The truth is, we’re all victims now and again. While it’s okay to feel angry, feeling like a victim too much of the time is not good for us. Even...
Confusion and Desperation are Common Before Learning How to Stop Abusive Behavior
Last week, we got an email from Nathan, although it could have been from almost anyone because many people find themselves in a similar situation. See if you relate to his confusion on what is emotional abuse and what he is doing that fits that description. I can feel...
Overcoming Resistance to Change
The old comic strip and cartoon character Popeye famously said, “I (y)am what I (y)am and (d)at’s all what I (y)am!” I’m not sure about you, but I sometimes want to say the same thing, and even use the same gravely voice as Popeye. My resistance to change happens...
Weighing In – Do I Choose Lying to Myself or Growth?
Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends who owns a chain of weight-loss and fitness centers posted an Ideal Body Weight chart on his page and simply asked the question, “What do you think of this?” Some pointed out that muscle mass should also be a consideration—a fair...
New Year, New Path, New You?
Welcome to the new year! Have you made any New Year’s resolutions? As you look ahead, are you excited about the possibilities, or are you looking at it with dread and fear? If you’re dealing with legal issues and relationship loss because of committing an act of...
Shame or Guilt? Being a Good Person Who Did a Bad Thing
For those of us who have committed an act of domestic violence, how we think about what we’ve done has big implications on how we respond. Feeling ashamed won’t help. Feeling guilty is healthy. It may seem like these two statements contradict each other, but the...
Celebrating Father’s Day after I Stopped Creating Abusive Relationships
Sunday is Father’s Day, and I’m celebrating. It could be by playing golf, kayaking, or just cooking dinner on the grill. I’m not exactly sure how I’ll be celebrating because my kids haven’t told me the specific plans yet. Even if we do nothing, I’ll be celebrating in...
Difficult First Step
So you were physical in a conflict with a partner. Maybe it was a slap or a push. Maybe it was more. You're getting a lot of heat for your actions, either from your partner, or perhaps from law enforcement. When you think about it, that's not the person you want to...