Think Differently

Thinking differently helps us change behavior
The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: A Countdown to Calming Yourself

The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: A Countdown to Calming Yourself

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique is a method to help a person calm themselves so they can deal with stressful situations in a positive way. It works by focusing our mind on our senses so our thoughts don’t wander into the past or future, adding worry and tension to what we feel.

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You Made Me Feel ___

You Made Me Feel ___

Years ago during a marriage counseling session, I confronted my wife about a particular situation. “You made me feel …” I began saying. The counselor cut me off before I could finish my statement. “No one can make you feel anything,” he said. “What kind of dumb...

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An Unfair Relationship and the Quest for Justice

An Unfair Relationship and the Quest for Justice

This isn’t fair, Spencer thought, as he cooked dinner yet again for his stay-at-home wife and kids. Alejandra ruminated after her partner called her a control freak: His characterization of me just isn’t right! We all want fairness in life, and especially in our...

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How to Stop Abusive Reactions

How to Stop Abusive Reactions

It happened again. You know you shouldn’t yell, slam the door, or get into a scuffle with your partner. But your buttons got pushed, and BAM, there you were, behaving in a way that you are trying to stop. Even though these responses feel automatic, it is possible to...

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How to Deal with Disappointment

How to Deal with Disappointment

When I was working to stop actions that hurt my partner, my counselor helped me see patterns that indicated possible causes. I noticed I felt disappointment, frustration, rejection, loss, or failure before those incidents. The insight I gained was that I needed to...

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It May Be Bad, But It Can Never Be Awful

It May Be Bad, But It Can Never Be Awful

What’s the difference between bad and awful? The two words seem pretty similar, don’t they? As it turns out, the distinction between thinking something is bad verses awful has a huge effect on how we react. Let me explain. Thoughts, emotions, actions I frequently...

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The Surprising Path to Getting More Respect

The Surprising Path to Getting More Respect

I mentioned in a prior post that one of the most important values for men is respect. While it might not rank in the top spot, I’m quite sure it’s pretty highly valued by women, too. In fact, respect is such a big deal to most of us that I’m going to dive deeper into...

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Getting Comfortable with Feeling Uncomfortable

Getting Comfortable with Feeling Uncomfortable

Back in the day, if someone gave me the choice between going to my (now ex-) wife’s company holiday party or having needles stuck under my fingernails, I would have taken the needles. Without hesitation. Pick a different form and I’d choose the torture in a heartbeat....

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