Self-Awareness: Checking Emotional Gauges

Self-Awareness: Checking Emotional Gauges

One of the things I thought was cool about my first car (unfortunately, not the one pictured here) is that it had lots of gauges on the dash. In addition to the standard warning lights, it featured a gauge for the engine temperature, oil pressure, and alternator...
What is emotional abuse, really?

What is emotional abuse, really?

Note: This post was written by Andrea Lee and originally appeared on her site here. We are sharing it with her permission. –Michael   It’s simpler than you think, and yes you may be doing it (a little or a lot) Sometimes when I chat with people about...
Are Threats Considered Domestic Violence?

Are Threats Considered Domestic Violence?

Tim and Bonnie participated in a lively group discussion on the question, “Are threats considered domestic violence?” Several participants subscribed to the “no harm, no foul” principle. If it’s just words and no one is touched, they thought, it shouldn’t count. “I...
Gaslighting

Gaslighting

Your partner is upset with you for something you did. If you’re honest about it, it wasn’t your best moment. It was a bit selfish on your part, or maybe it was hurtful to them. But admitting it or apologizing for your actions feels like it is going to open up a whole...
Focus on Your Part to Resolve Conflict

Focus on Your Part to Resolve Conflict

Domestic violence incidents frequently happen during conflict. Therefore, finding ways to resolve conflict early, before it escalates, is important to those of us working to stop our harmful acts. Here’s something I’ve learned from experience: the best way to resolve...
Reconciliation After Domestic Violence

Reconciliation After Domestic Violence

Re-establishing Trust and Safety Jamie knew that he blew it and he was beside himself. He’d lost control of his emotions and had hit his wife—something that he knew he shouldn’t do. Now she’s moved out and has talked about divorce, although she hasn’t filed yet. Is...
The Right Influencers

The Right Influencers

Recently, my wife suggested that we hire people to work on some of the household projects that I’m not getting done. I completely over-reacted to her suggestion, and I knew it almost as soon as my words were out of my mouth. After telling my friend Bob about how...
Is What I’m Doing Abusive?

Is What I’m Doing Abusive?

The other day during a group meeting, Gary described in some detail the words and actions he’s directed toward his partner over the years. Recently, his wife notified him that his behavior was abusive. Gary was surprised and confused, so he sought feedback from the...
Difference Between Reacting and Responding

Difference Between Reacting and Responding

Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize you are in an eerily similar situation as the past? Last week my wife Lynn got pretty mad at me for the same reason my ex used to—saying something insensitive. This time, I responded differently and the outcome...
How Domestic Violence Affects Children

How Domestic Violence Affects Children

After I was arrested for domestic violence, I focused mostly on understanding how my actions were affecting my wife and my relationship with her. What I didn’t realize—and was stunned when I learned—was how my behavior was hurting my kids, too. I loved my children and...
What to Do With a Difficult Partner

What to Do With a Difficult Partner

When I was arrested for domestic violence, I knew I’d done something wrong. But I also knew I was not the only one creating problems in our relationship. The fact that I was the only one in trouble and the only one expected to change didn’t seem fair. If you have a...